Growing Pains

I has been a while since I've even wanted to post anything, a lot has happened since last August/September some good and some bad.

Biggest news is I'm expecting a baby girl in July! My official due date is July 8th, but who knows when she'll actually get here. I feel her move sometimes but for the most part she's a quiet calm little thing. I cannot wait to feel her moving lots more and feel hiccups and everything else! I have been really good about not buying anything for her just yet. Since I have about 5 more months now I feel like I can start, very slowly, gathering things. Luckily for me I have really amazing family and friends and I have all the big things I will need and the rest will be easy to gather in time. I have found that I love Elephants and Giraffes on baby things but I have no particular theme.

Because of the circumstances I moved to South Carolina to live with my sister. I've been there since early November and I'm really enjoying spending time with my sister and her kids. My sister and I are 15 years apart so we never really got our "sister" time growing up so I just say we're playing catch up. My dad was disagnosed with ALS back in August so I have been visiting with him as much as possible since I moved to my sisters. It's been nice not having a job or other obligations to worry about so I can focus on spending time with him and my mom and getting my feet back under me. Hes gotten so much worse since I've been here this visit and when I leave on the 11th to go back to SC I have a feeling I'll be saying goodbye for the final time.

I can honestly admit that I have never had much patience. I never have been good at lettings things sit or letting them go. I always have felt that there is always something you can do. With everything happening I have realized and accepted that somethings take time, and a lot of the time we really have no control over anything. Learning to just Let Go has been one of the hardest things I have had to learn. Realizing there is a difference between letting go and giving up and finding the balance between them. I haven't come close to matesring it yet but I feel like I have a good grip on it and it can only get better from here...right? Being able to embrace "letting go" has a lot to do with faith. Faith that things will work out how they are meant to, even if you don't want them that way, there is a plan and a reason for it. Knowing the reason does make it A LOT easier to accept things, but where is the fun in things being easy?

Ultimately I have had to face things I never thought I'd have to deal with, but with 3 months of hell behind me I can say things are better and will only improve from here. Instead of laying in bed every night dreading the next day, now I lay in bed and I'm..excited? I'm not sure if that is the right word for it, but I look forward to every day because every day brings something I didn't expect and I don't think anyone can ask for anything else out of life.